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Sir Lance, the Douche-Bag

  • Tuesday, January 15 2013 @ 11:16 MST
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  • Views: 597
Sporty Spice After years of speculation, a massive investigation (http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2012/10/11/sports/cycling/doping-agencys-evidence.html), several team-mates testifying, losing all seven of his Tour De France (http://www.letour.fr/le-tour/2013/us) titles and being banned from several endurance sport competitions (http://edition.cnn.com/2012/06/14/sport/armstrong-doping-allegations/index.html)... wait for it...

LANCE ARMSTRONG ADMITS TO DOPING! Of course, he didn't do this by writing a letter to the United States Anti-Doping Agency (http://www.usantidoping.org).Oh no, that would be dignified and without personal gain. In typical American bravado, he sat down and had what is a reportedly tear-filled interview with Oprah (http://www.cbc.ca/sports/cycling/story/2013/01/15/sp-uci-cycling-lance-armstrong-oprah-winfrey-cbs-this-morning.html).

You see, poor Sir Lance is facing all sorts of lawsuits and expenses in regard to his doping. It must be difficult to live a celebrity lifestyle and then suddenly have it all come tumbling down when the lies your celebrity was built on finally get exposed. He's lost hundreds of thousands in endorsements and has had to step away from Livestrong (http://www.livestrong.org), the 'charity' he created second only to the breast cancer juggernaut when it comes to producing cheap crap from China that likely causes more cancer then it helps to prevent.

It comes down to this, Sir Lance isn't sorry that he doped. He's sorry that he got caught. He's sorry that the massive machine that feeds his narcissism has come to an end and he's sorry that he's going to be out potentially millions. The best part? The defenders of Sir Lance are going to lap this up. They're going to buy his crocodile tears as fast they all bought those stupid yellow bracelets. In fact, Sir Lance will probably come up with bracelets for his minions to buy that support what an awesome, upstanding individual he is.

Sir Lance, the Douche-Bag is everything that's wrong with sport wrapped into one horrific yellow and black egotistical package.

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