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Operation Overlord

  • Tuesday, September 08 2009 @ 09:16 MDT
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Knocked Up The day is almost here. Well, that is to say the totally bunkus due date that really means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Thursday, technically, September 10th, is the date my doctor picked spinning his magic wheel. Ah pregnancy, somehow the longest and shortest nine months of my life ever.

Waiting for baby is a unique and horrible experience. Every book says the same thing “you'll know when labour really starts.” I've had a lot of false labour over the past couple of weeks but since none of it has been more painful than menstrual cramps, I haven't bothered to venture to the hospital. The last days have been irritating. I have bursts of energy but soon get exhausted after doing some work around the house. Then I begin to feel generally unwell but none of that has lead to actual labour. My Braxton Hick's contractions have become increasingly more intense, yet they seem to lead nowhere. I keep trying all the tricks to bring labour on, like walking or eating hot, spicy food. I've even tried other methods, like procrastinating about the school work that's due at the end of the week. Surely that should work. Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is, he'll arrive when he's “good and goddamn ready” and not before. So until then, I just try and get as much done as possible until my life is forever turned upside down.

It's not all bad. Evil Scientist can hardly wait. When I start to feel a bit off his face just lights up. I'm enjoying reading a book a day because I know that that won't be something I get to do a lot after baby is here. I still DO NOT regret the time I've taken off before the arrival of my first born. My weight has stopped climbing in the last month and I gained exactly what my mom gained with me.

I can't really claim to have had a difficult pregnancy. Not physically, anyway. Nausea to begin with and acid reflux in the last couple of months is hardly much to complain about. My joints have gotten really sore this last month but again, that's pretty minor. Emotionally, I've had a rough time but given my personality, that was expected.

I'm excited, nervous, happy, sad, worried, afraid of post-partum depression but most of all I'm so anxious to meet him. It's hard to believe that the bassinet in our room is going to have a little person in it in a few days. Unless, of course, this whole thing goes into overtime.

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  • Operation Overlord
  • Authored by: Anonymous on Wednesday, September 09 2009 @ 04:29 MDT
If you have gained 65 lbs "just like Mom" then maybe with any luck you will be "Just like Mom" and deliver exactly on your due date like she did.

Of course, you will have to remember to do the following things when you start having labor pains for real.

Listen to your husband reply to your information that "Hon, I think I'm going into labor" His reply being " Really!, well wake me up again when you are sure" Note to the Evil One, THIS IS NOT THE PROPER RESPONSE. Tried it and it didn't work.

Next, when you are about 12 to 15 minutes apart with the labor pains, get up, have a shower, put on your makeup, and oh yes, do your hair.... then leave for the hospital.
Note to the Evil One - This is what you get for making the mistake of saying what is noted above.

Now after you get to the hospital and are all prepped, you find out just how many ways you can use your vast vocabulary of 4 letter words, most of them directed to your husband. Not to worry, it will be an amazing adventure for him because no matter how many snotty nasty things you have said to him before you got pregnant he will NEVER understand where on earth you got all the new expletives.

Note to the Evil One - When she yells at you to go get the G.. D.... Nurse, just do it. All that be calm honey, just breathe in slowly will get you nothing but an "IF YOU DON'T GET THE G.. D...... NURSE RIGHT NOW YOU ARE GOING TO BE DELIVERING THIS BABY YOURSELF"

Ah yes, fond memories.

Hang in there Kidling it's just the way it is...

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