Evil Scientist frequently accuses me of playing dirty during arguments. In a conversation with a group of co-workers several weeks ago I was accused of the same thing when I was listening to a story about an argument and I mentioned how I would have handled it. I've been thinking about it ever since. At first, I blamed it on being an only-child. In the cut-throat world of the playground, only-children don't have backup from siblings. After thinking more about it though, I've come to the conclusion that I fight as fair as anyone else.

If I am hurt, humiliated, angered or frustrated by something that has been said or done to me then I'm going to fire back with the same weapons. I don't think that that's unfair. Human relationships are not a debate on the floor of the UN. They are, by nature, fuelled more by passion rather than reason.

Evil Scientist says that the minute I start to lose an argument, I hit below the belt. The thing that he seems to forget is that when we argue it's not a fair fight to begin with. He's way smarter than me, for starters. He spent his first degree training to be a professional diplomat. I, on the other hand, am uniquely qualified to be an incredible snob during the wrap-up party after a symphony concert. If I'm going to even gain a little ground in an argument with someone like that I've got no choice but to switch to guns.

Furthermore, since when is anything in life fair? Arguments or otherwise. Is there a Geneva Convention for marriages, relationships, friendships, partnerships?

I don't get this “higher ground” bullshit some people seem to be obsessed with. It's like Catholic martyrdom; the philosophy of being happy in denying yourself any rights or pleasure. Life is better lived like a hockey game. If you want my advice, play defence and take out anyone who gets in between you and the boards.

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